Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Santa Claus , ho ho ho

As a Christian I do not believe in luck
or superstitions, but I did as a child believe in Santa. until I was told he came down the chimney, how stupid do people think an eight year old is.
I am told to make sure there is A good fire,   No central heating in them days. I had spent the whole of that day chopping oak logs in the freezing cold with icicles forming on my nose, Just so I could sit by I nice hot fire on Xmas day,    My face would get hot just putting a log on the fire.   in the late evening of the 24th Christmas eve.  The fire was banked up with cokes and coal. making sure there was a warm fire first thing in the morning to get our stocking off the mantle piece.  so if that fat old bugger with a sack on his back is not wearing a flame proof suit he is going to get his arse singed unless he comes down head first then he is going to get a singed beard,
then there was the question of how the hell did he keep so clean clambering down thousands of chimneys,
I knew our chimney was not swept in the winter so it stood to reason it would be sooted up. and I could remember getting  black just giving the chimney sweep a hand ,And gran shouting you look like a little Gollywog, the only coloured  she or I had seen was the gollywog on Robertsons jam Jar 
then the foster parents got a new cooking range that had a 6" flue pipe,  that started from the fire box   fat chance of him coming down the chimney now, how the hell is he going to get down never mind climbing back up unless Rudolf the red nosed reindeer had a winch on the sleigh. to haul him up. so I am sorry to shatter your dreams but Santa is a very slim guy  as black ace the ace of spades and does not have A hair on his body as its all been singed off by people trying  to keep warm on a frosty 24th of December  a myth and a very expensive one at that
ho ho ho!    and you be careful sitting on Santa's knee never know what he is hiding in that red suite have a nice xmas isnt it funny every faith celebrates Christ Mas. to me The savior is born. others so they get a present some to sit on Santa's knee for most its a good excuse for a good piss up. so they can be in debt for the following year.                Merry xmas every body,        
a link to gollywogs  

Call me a killjoy whatever you like.
now i will tell you the real reason I  did not believe in Father Christmas.
 This is what My brother told me,, At the age of  six I had a bad injury to my head after the orphanage bully pushed me against one of them old cast iron heating  radiators. I had been in hospital for a long time in a coma. and my only memory up to then is of being in a hospital bed  next to a really old man well it seems he was old, he talked about the war and how he had lost friends in it. shortly after I came out of the coma. I was reunited with My brother in the Orphanage . and later we where fostered out  to a family in Rhos-on-sea.
 where we had been naughty boys picking up stumps  (butt ends)  for the foster father. and for lying to the police we were sent back to the orphanage. Lying little buggers he called us. some of you folks will remember this police man especially from the Colwynbay /   Bangor area,   Sgt Woodbine. this was back in the 50s I met Sgt Woodbine a few years later when he was posted to Bangor,  won't say what happened in case the old bastard is still around but a wet towel does not leave any marks. just more brain damage.
 Soon after we went back to the orphanage  we where fostered out to a Mr & Mrs J Edwards Cil-Llwyn  Y-Waen  Bodfari Nr Denbigh. Here I soon found out  we were there to work.
 but to cut a long story short .  The first Christmas  we were there was the first Xmas for me to remember. my brother was all excited about it . we will get presents father Christmas will come and leave a present if we hang a sock up. got me all excited as well.   I told you about  one of my jobs cutting firewood. that was in between milking,  cleaning out and feeding 30 milkers plus the fat stock.  my brother had become the favorite and helped around the house most of the time,  after milking Christmas eve  we went in  and our time was free until 6.00 the next morning  and after milking and feeding  we could open the presents and empty the stockings.  Christmas morning   at 8.30 we  were allowed in the front room ( Parlour) never been in there before   we where told to sit on the best chairs in this case a setee. and our socks where handed to us with great pride  as they where a gift from father Christmas,  and seeing we had just had our breakfast  bruass this was a concoction they said would make us strong and healthy  oats beef or pork dripping, bread, corn flakes oxo, and boiling water.  but after 3 months we had got used to it  and it was not as bad tasting as it sounds, we would not be needing to eat until the evening instead of having tea, my stocking contained an asortment of cowboys and indians  from the cornflake packets, half a dozen hazel nuts and an apple,  the nuts I had gathered  two months previous, also the apples we had gathered and stored in the attic. these were mainly used for cooking,  jam making etc,  fair play Mrs Edwards was a good cook. she was in the city (london) during the war that's all we where told,  little boys should be seen and not heard.  the socks were Mr Edwards'es and he had been milking in them that morning and may have been worn for a week depending what day it was ,washday was a Monday  always a Monday,  this day all clothes where changed for clean ,
 so not only was santa fire proof but he was either a thief or a hoaxer, or just a tight fisted git.   but the best part is the following year We would get 3 pence a week pocket money and have to save 2 pence in our piggy bank for Sunday school outing to Rhyl,  Rhyl  used to be the holiday capital of sunny North Wales,  two fun parks  the best being the marine lake  long gone due to cheap hols in spain and the like   Rhyl was 20 miles from bodfari and we all had to pay six pence for the sharabang. (coach).
 we where also told we had to buy our christmas Presents  , gran  gramps ,  Mr & Mrs Edwards and our neighbors Mr and Mrs Williams  had to have a stick of  humbug rock, so that only left a few pence for the fun bit of the outing the rest of our time  was spent making sand castles.
Guess what we had in our smelly sock the second xmas,   6 nuts an apple  and a stick of humbug rock.  so not only was santa stealing from this household he was stealing from our neighbors .merry Christmas to all .

  This is part of my story of my childhood  already in my autobiography.
Being dragged up in the 1950s


jeannette stgermain said...

We children like to believe in magic. So whether your Santa is fat or slim, I hope he'll bring something to you! A merry Christmas (whatever that looks like in your situation) and a happy New Year.

Patrina said...

this was amusing, thanks for sharing so much of your life. It was interesting. The ending of the saga was such a chuckle :) Good sense of humor

Anonymous said...

When i was a child, i used to believe in Santa..It bring us good memories during Christmas..That's the spirit of Christmas..Anyway, Merry Christmas & Happy New year..

Dina said...

Tony, I'm sorry to hear of your hard childhood.

But I saw Santa yesterday, really! Near Jaffa Gate. His name was Issa and he was speaking English and Arabic. Pics on my last post to prove it.